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When events don’t go the way we think they should, or the way we pray for them to go, doesn’t mean God hasn’t heard our prayers. We need to understand that the things we pray for may actually be contradictory to the outcome we desire. Sometimes God has to work on developing us and others involved in the answers. That can create a few surprises. So, I think we should concentrate on final outcomes when the personal wills of others are involved. That is especially difficult to muster when we are suffering anxiety spasms over a cherished person. It points to the fact that we need to understand the difference between faith and ambition. Ambition is a mirror image of faith A beautiful Sign But he was still afraid of getting close to God. They say you pattern your opinion of your Heavenly Father after your natural father. Bill’s dad was meaner than a jilted skunk. Hence his fear that somehow God might turn on him. But, God continued working, and after about four years Bill came to realize what God had done. With that realization came a flood of happiness that paled his problems. He began to release those feelings of resentment and anger. Bill Baker was warming up Still, although it seemed to be against what he prayed for, he and Barb had separated twice because of his inability to make decisions and his complete dependency on her. The burden he created was more than she could bear, even though she loved him dearly. Barb had hoped for a man who would be the spiritual head of the household, who could make decisions and be strong spiritually. Bill couldn’t do those things and that drove them apart. A change— a deep, grinding reversal, was what was really called for even though that was not the words used in prayer—obviously. God promises that all things work together for the good of those who love Him, and that includes even the most trying times. So it was with being separated. After 30 years Bill finally faced the reality of his life, his separation , his mother’s suicide and the feeling that she had abandoned him. Still with tears Bill says, “I thought I’d go insane with the grief. It was in the middle of December; the end of the fiscal year when there was little to do. I’d go to work and within a half hour I’d break down and cry. I’d go in the bathroom and weep and weep, and I’d think, pretty soon it will be all out and I’ll feel better. You know, you cry, and then feel better, you blow your nose, you go back to work. It didn’t happen. I just cried and cried and cried. I couldn’t do anything. Finally one day in my truck, I started beating the metal roof of my old truck , saying, ‘Lord, I’m going crazy. Please tell me what It is that I’m dealing with?” He told me, ‘you’re allowing that grief that you never felt when you los t your mom in to surface in losing Barb, the two people you loved the most in your entire life. The second revelation came after Bill joined a Disciple Fellowship Church. He became active and attended a singles group regularly. When a group meeting was canceled one Wednesday Bill was devastated by the thought of staying home. He realized that he was terribly afraid of being alone. During one such episode, The Holy Spirit urged him to stay home with him and just read the Bible, saying, “don’t be afraid. You don’t have to run out somewhere.” It was difficult, but Bill was obedient. He felt a real peace and that night slept better than he had for many weeks. About a week later: Bill decided to take his new truck for a drive to Walsomberg and spend a few days with one of his Promise Keeper buddies. Since he couldn’t find a telephone number, he decided to take his chances and just go. He could be there by 2:00 PM, and if his friend wasn’t there, he could race back to Denver and make the evening church service so that he wouldn’t have to spend the evening alone. His friend wasn’t there and Bill turned to head back to Denver. He says, “It was as crystal clear to me that the Lord was with me telling me, ‘You have your Bible and you have my presence, just spend some time alone with me’” He turned West to the San Isibel National Forest. The truck had a camper, so there would be no problem with comfort. Bill found desolate place. He felt a bit eerie about the place, but pulled in anyway. He wished he had someone to talk to get rid of the spookey feeling. He decided that since God brought him there, he’d talk to God. “So, I just started talking to the Lord like if he were there beside me and like He was my dad. I started to read the Word and pray and got this incredible, incredible feeling of the Lord’s presence. It was so awesome nothing else in the whole world mattered, nothing. I read the Word for a while and I happened to look up, and there was a double rainbow, the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. I started crying. I sat there and the sun started to go down and it was the most beautiful sight you have ever seen in your entire life. So, I said, “Lord thank you for the movie; thank you for the entertainment. Thank you for your presence.” It was a turning point for Bill. After that, Bill went camping alone in several places he and Barb had been. He even spent a three day weekend by himself. These were places he really loved, places where he could simply do a bit of hiking and enjoy the handiwork of God. During the second separation, he realized that his love for Barb had not diminished, and although he knew it was over, he continued to call and plead with her to talk, to reconsider. He didn’t just call her occasionally, it was constant. He couldn’t leave her alone even though he knew he was making her angry. Finally she got a restraining order, and when that didn’t work, she had Bill thrown in jail. Bill got the message, and although he loved Barb more than his own life he let go of her and turned to the Lord for his answers. To his surprise he found his first answer was that his priorities were backwards. Barb was first in his life and God was second. And though he was devastated, he agreed to reverse his priorities. Now, true to the character of God, All that Bill gave up has been restored to him. The life he lost has been given back more abundantly: in family, in friends, and in business, and prosperity. |
