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Before I turned thirty, I had been dabbling in psychic phenomenon, and had many really weird experiences, some funny, but also some frightening, but seldom what I wanted. In other words, what I thought was a gift, turned out to be control, but not mine. (Perhaps I'll publish that story some day.) Here is a true, verified story that carries a warning that demons are real. Like me, this girl should have never entered the territory of Satan. I titled this one " Driven " because I understand. The names have been changed, of course. DRIVEN That evil thing inside had started controlling me again as it had many times before. I had been in a party with my Christian friends. It was the night before returning home to finish my Master's dissertation and I had nothing pressing, just a train to catch midmorning. But I felt uncomfortable, and by 10:30, I felt compelled to leave. When I got to my apartment, I spoke briefly to my house-mate then suddenly slipped into a wide-eyed nightmare, in the grip of a sinister force, from which I couldn't escape. It continued all night, one bazaar sensation after another, robbing me of sleep. Remarkably I managed to get dressed and make the train, still in the grip of those freakish hallucinations that continued throughout the entire360 mile trip. The faces of some passengers were unnatural colors, yellow, blue, green, red. I watched a woman change colors every time she touched her face, and when I touched my face it changed colors. Then something very evil entered me. It was like a brush in my soul, that settled into my throat, making me gag. I went to the toilet to puke it out. But it kept coming back, and I kept returning to the toilet. Adding to the complete horror, one of my friends was screaming inside my head. I had hoped to sleep on the train, instead I had 5 hours of torture. When I arrived, I still couldn't eat or drink because that awful thing filled my stomach. I couldn't stand TV because everything was contorted and meanings were eerie. My parents were away and by the time they returned, I was becoming physically sick. I spent two more days in that nether world of wretched illusions, of seeing my surroundings as through warped and twisted glass, where my pleadings to God for mercy could not be heard. Clearly I needed help. My mum cuddled me to sleep and my dear dad made sure I didn't go to a mental hospital. They took me to a medical doctor who, by the grace of God, referred me to a Christian counselor. I told her about the times I had consulted a medium when my life seemed purposeless, about Phillip, and the evil perversions, about returning to the medium who told me I had psychic powers, all the notes in a concert of decay that began at age twelve. Before then I was a happy, funny, obedient child who loved both parents and God. Whenever I asked God for something, He'd give it to me. For instance, at age eleven I asked for a friend I could trust. He granted that with a neighbor girl, Loraine. A short time later, I met Jenny, and we became good friends. God had given me two great friends . Two more life-long friends were added shortly after. But as I became a teenager, My desires turned to my friends, getting drunk with them and having a laugh. I was actually ashamed of my family. In fact when we were together I would hide in the car so that no one would see me with them. To me, they were like a stage prop. There were arguments, of course, about my behavior and attitude towards them, and there were warnings that I should have listened to. At age 15 I met my first boyfriend, John, The partying and pot smoking began and by age 16 I was partying and drinking every weekend and often during the week. All my friends were losing their virginity and boasting about it. And at a time when some girls give their first kiss, I gave my virginity away to John with only the slightest remorse. Being promiscuous was also "in" and of course, I followed along. It was all part of an adventure. So was going to the US to au-pair with Lorraine. The first few months were quiet and innocent. It was like I had been climbing to the top of a slide and was resting on the platform there, waiting to step over the edge. Then I met Phillip. He was nice to me in the beginning and I slowly dropped Lorraine for him. I was easily swept into Phillip's whirlpool of drugs, sex, rock, and all-night parties-of constant highs and lows. Like an insidious disease Phillip's legacy of depression, manias, and sexual excesses incubated in me. I lost all sense of right and wrong and felt totally useless. Making matters worse, Phillip began to control and treat me cruelly, like leaving me stranded in a restaurant because he didn't like something I said. I was completely lost and thought going home for a few weeks before starting my degree studies might help. I returned to England. But being home provided no relief and in my quest for advice, I consulted a medium. She told me about guardians and butterflies. So I returned to the US even more confused. Back in the US, I returned to my downward slide with Phillip. He introduced me to porno videos that opened my mind to disgusting thoughts and perversion. Thereafter, everything I saw became sex related. I knew I was on the brink of madness and decided to leave Phillip and return again to England. I was still adrift: like being lost in a fog, where the only reality is the puddle in front of you that seems like an ocean. But I was still ripped between the unrelenting bond with Phillip, the effects of drugs and the disgusting thoughts that bored into my conscience unbidden. Even my remaining sense of reality was fading, and I was terrified. Once again, I turned to a medium for help. She suggested I write questions for my guardian before going to bed, and when I awakened I'd have the answers. For me the answers were immediate, but murky, and by the next day, very confusing. She said I had psychic powers, and instructed me in the use of spells with the warning that revealing their secrets would cause someone else to die. I was like a ship driven by an evil wind. But there was comfort. I met Claire, a strong Christian. And although she was younger than I, she became my mentor, explaining the Bible to me with clarity I had never known. We enjoyed each other's company in fun things like swimming and coffee breaks. I started going to church, still involved in witchcraft but having a renewed sense of God with me. Still, I felt insecure and had frequent attacks of guilt. The attacks reached a climax during Christmas period. I phoned Clare at 4:00 A.M. for prayer. I think she was God's answer for my torment. But I was still vulnerable. How vulnerable I would soon discover when Claire left college a year early. Once again my psychic guardian took the opportunity to return with his own brand of guidance, telling me that whatever I heard through my sidewalk-level bedroom window would be what is happening in my life. Additionally, I was still being battered by the memory of Phillip's mental abuses and sexual perversions. I had frequent nightmares and often entered that surrealistic world without warning, where I would see demons and ghosts from centuries past. Finally, I told my counselor about an experience I had the night before my hellish train ride. I saw a fight in my bedroom. It was like watching in a mirror as all the good people I'd known where protecting me from the bad things. She listened carefully to it all. In Fact, just talking to a Christian counselor was refreshing, and her advice was framed in wisdom and love, not in weird metaphors like the medium. My life began to improve after that. God had surrounded me with Christians who could strengthen me even through idle conversation. And my parents helped a lot. I didn't feel alone in trusting God. I even began attending church. However, my guardians continued the battle with renewed ferocity. This time I turned to God instead of a medium. At last I finally had a direction and purpose. Then I found a church where the people knew God's will. A friend understood that the intensity of attacks, immorality and loss of control were satanic and recommended a vicar who was an exorcist. It sounds beyond belief, but for 5 hours I wept and confessed all of the terrible things I had done, promising to abandon them all for God's mercy. Demons literally came out of my mouth screeching. It was scary, but amazing that so many evil things had gotten into me. Satan still tries, but I turn it all over to Jesus now. I have complete victory, and I have become much closer to my parents who have really put up with a lot of rubbish from me. I love the 23 rd Psalm because it promises. "He makes me to lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul" and "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you are with me." The fear is gone; I'm anchored in a safe harbor. |
